Cuban Toad Poisoning

for Cuban toads? made in cuba? i will never know.

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The Artistic Temperament

Last night on Mad Men Megan’s mom said the root of all Megan’s problems is that she has the artistic temperament, but she isn’t really an artist. Whoa, that rang true for me! I have all these ideas about stories I’d like to write or pictures I’d like to draw, or things I would like to make, but I actually suck at doing those things. Booo!

Filed under bummer Mad Men wisdom artsy

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Holy Crap These Damned Kids

Dog just came out of kid one’s room and was chewing on something. I took it away and discovered it was a condom wrapper. There was another one too that he had been chewing on. Gah! They aren’t even latex, they’re those stupid skin ones! Jesus Christ.

Kid two has an ongoing pot issue and came home last night smelling like an ashtray and cheap aftershave.

For fucks sake! Put it off until you are an adult and I don’t have to worry about you! I didn’t even give birth to these dinks.

Filed under aaaargh sex and drugs fuckin teenagers stepmother

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Macrame Owls

Inspired by the secret macrame room behind the fireplace in “Dark Shadows,” I want to learn how to make those hideous macrame owls that were everywhere in the 70’s. I could make a shitload of them and sell them online. I would become the macrame owl empress of Oklahoma, and would be responsible for the resurgence of ugly owls! I’d make so much money I could retire to the country and make macrame owls forever and ever! An owl in every home!

Filed under macrame owls hideous 70's decor crafts

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Blaaaaaah

Yesterday my friend who has a 5 month old daughter took the baby and her two older kids over to see my parents. I live a couple of hours away, so my friend took some pictures of my parents playing with the baby. It was cute, but then I felt horrible and sad. I just turned 39, I’m an only child, and I don’t have any kids. My husband has 2 kids, and I love being a stepmom, but I have a deep yearning to give my parents a grandkid. But—my husband had a vasectomy like 16 years ago. So if I want to have a kid I have to go through a bunch of invasive and expensive crap, either medically or through an adoption process. I feel like I gypped mysyelf by putting off being in relationships, then getting into relationships with horrible dudes I didn’t want to reproduce with. Also, we don’t have tons of money, and since I just graduated w/my MLIS I don’t have student insurance anymore, and I need to find a real job. Ugh. Sad.

Filed under fertility baby wanna be a mom $$$ shitty

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Snoopy the Turtle

We have a little turtle, and we aren’t sure if it’s a girl or a boy. This has led to a huge problem with giving it a name. I think we should call him/her Snoopy because he/she keeps climbing up on top of this decorative Asian-looking temple thing we have in the tank, sitting there for a while, (like Snoopy) then diving wildly into the water.

Filed under turtle snoopy